If you have followed this blog since it’s beginning you’ve learned that I had been in survival mode for a couple of years. I was living my life fifteen minutes at a time. I was simply “in a state of being” a I tried to regroup after trauma and recover from depression.
It was a very strange place to be because I have always been one to have big plans, big goals, big dreams. I’ve always been the “type A” personality that is driven to succeed. And suddenly I found myself without any plans. I couldn’t see myself in the future because the future seemed to painful. It was a very scary place to be and one that can be dangerous for some people. I had lost hope. I survived because I’m not a quitter.
This morning I was looking back at the “lost years” with regret. I regretted the wasted time. I regretted the “quality time” I missed with my children. My years were wasted. Or so I thought.
But then God spoke to my heart. His voice was loud and clear. He said, “Does the newborn baby regret growing?”
Does the newborn baby regret growing?
Does the newborn baby regret growing?
I pondered the question and realized that a newborn baby simply “is.” The newborn baby can’t regret growing. How can that even be possible? Sure as we get older we may have regrets? But a newborn?
That baby has been brought forth to a new life. True getting here was likely a struggle. After all being wrapped in a warm cocoon of love, and then suddenly being shoved down a birth canal and into a bright and cold room isn’t a walk in the park. That process brings an opportunity for growth in a new environment and is a necessary part of our journey in life.
Once she arrives she spends the next six months simply “being.” The baby doesn’t have a choice. She may be ready to tackle the world. She may have big plans. But that little body simply can’t do it all yet. That baby has been brought forth to new life but still simply “is” a “human being” and not a “human doing.”
So thank you God for pointing out to me that my soul was being born anew. That I was going through a birthing process and that once here I needed to “simply be” for some time. I was giving birth to a new life.
Happy Birthday soul!
|
 Email This Post
 Print This Post
|
Everything that brought you to this point is part of who you are.
Even if you have regrets, that part of the package (though not necessary)
What matters is what you do with it.
Sounds like you are on the right track
Thanks Warren for your words of encouragement.
I can’t agree more that what I do with it is what’s important.
I sometimes regret, not what it has done for me, but rather the impact it has had on those around me. My kids didn’t get as many home-made cookies as I would have liked, or baking with mommy. They had too many quick meals and less sit-down dinners that I think are important. They didn’t have as much as a positive role model as I would have liked. But still I was more positive than most of the world. I don’t believe in sharing negative energy of any kind, but still they know. They can pick-up on the fact that mom isn’t quite her usual self.
But then again it was part of the growing process for them as well.
But in other ways I have been a fantastic mom. They have seen the power of perseverance and determination. The know the power of never giving up. They say that they wouldn’t trade me for other mom’s they know. So yes - I am on the right track. It’s just that the train just doesn’t seem fast enough at times.
So do I have regrets. Sometimes. But then I am reminded that it is part of the growing process. And the lessons I have learned and they have learned make it easier to not “not necessarily” go through any of it again.
I’ve been pouring over old photos that I told my cousin I would scan for him. It made me stop and think and really miss that part of my life. I hated for a moment the fact that I had grown older and could no longer be in that life. Your blog is very insightful and this post is just what I needed to read today. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. We shouldn’t regret that the past is gone..just be happy that God has brought us through it in order to face a new day. Thanks so much!
I’m sorry to hear that you have regrets, keep on the path you’re on and I’m sure everything will work out.
Your kids sound wonderful, it sounds like you are definitely raising them right.
Lovely post.
B Carter
Thanks for visiting. Yes, it is true, everything is working out in it’s own perfect way. Things simply do.
Suzanne,
Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
What a blog you have. I just read through the whole thing. You will be okay. You will! We all have regrets, I know mine are HUGE. I have two children who hate my guts, but I know at that time in my life I did the best I knew how. They were not abused, we did not drink nor do drugs but somehow they blame me for everything in their life that is not right. But I am here and I am okay. I wish you all the love you need to heal the scars on your heart.
Thanks so much for your encouragement.
I have made huge advanced on the road to recovery. My goal is to now help others who may be on the same path.
I’m sorry to hear about your children. I pray that some day they will have the have grown enough to know realize to heal your relationship.
I love the way you have described this phase of your life. It puts into perspective times in my life when I have struggled. I sometimes feel like I wasted my late teens early twenties - but as you say - it was a time for regrowth - and I can’t believe how far I’ve come since then. There have been other times of re-birth - making me stronger and more determined as I pass through. Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you. It is amazing how much we learn from experiences isn’t it? And I believe until we learn what it is we are meant to learn from an experience we will keep repeating the lesson.
(((((HUGS))))) cuz i think you could use one
your posts are inspiring!
Thanks for the hug. I really appreciate it. I’m glad your felt inspired. My goal is to help others.
I completely understand, I’m in the same boat as you are. Keep your chin up and know tomorrow will be a better day. Now things are working out for me, slowly, but its happening, think positive and take one day at a time…(((HUGS)))
Thanks! I appreciate it.
You are right. Things work out. I am happy to say that for me they have began to work out. In fact, they really are working out beautifully. I just get a little impatient at times.
I hope things look up for you. Here’s some hugs right back to you. (((HUGS))).
I have the same problem somehow. What I am doing is speaking out and changing to my real self little by little. Not just in one big leap. Take it slow.
It is amazing how much baby steps help. Just 5 minutes here and 5 minutes there helps. Just a few steps at a time and one can complete the journey.
~ Leisa