Dream ~ Act ~ Plan ~ Believe

My life has been a great one in so many ways. It truly has, and for that I am very grateful. However, I’ve had my share of trauma and periodic depression, but I believe it has had a purpose. You’ll learn more in the next few weeks. I figured it was time I shared with you, my blog readers, my story. So here is it part one, of my life’s story.

I was born in a cold Army hospital weighing close to 4 pounds, but I was not premature. I was simply tiny. I remained tiny the rest of my childhood. So tiny in fact that I weighed 50 pounds in Junior High School. But it wasn’t from lack of eating. I had just received an award at camp for the girl who went back fifths, sixths, and sevenths through the cafeteria line. I ate a lot.

Later in life it would prove to be a novelty with my dates. They were shocked that I would order a large meal, eat it all, and even eat dessert. They said it was refreshing to take someone to dinner who wanted more than a salad and ice water. I still weighed close to 100 pounds so it was very unexpected. How could someone so tiny eat so much?

People heard rumors that I ate more than my brothers, but simply wouldn’t believe it until they saw me eat. I had a high metabolism, but was also a ballet dancer.

I was also born with a very highly tuned sixth-sense.
I could sense peoples thoughts and feelings.
I regularly knew things before they happened.

When walking through a mall I could tell who was angry, who was sad, who was discouraged. I could tell because I literally “felt” what it was they were feeling, and felt it with great intensity. I remember walking past a man and feeling pure evil as he watched the little children walking by. He was prowling for a victim and I knew it. His negative energy felt as if it was absorbed into my soul as did everyone else’s. I felt exhausted. I felt the world was an evil place.

I knew other things as well. I often knew the phone was going to ring before it rang. I even knew who it was for. I would walk over to the telephone, put my hand on the receiver, and it would ring a few moments later. Or I would tell my brother, “the phone’s for you.” For which he would reply something like “it hasn’t wrung.” I would say, “it hasn’t wrung yet, but it will.” And sure enough it would seconds later and it would be for him.

If we were driving down the road the word “cop” would pop into my head. We’d turn the corner and there would be a police officer in his car. This happened regularly. I just knew things.

I remember sitting in a high-school health class when the teacher described the symptoms of shock and thinking “that’s how I feel all the time.” I remember thinking that everything in the world seemed gray and distant, and sounds seeming very very muffled. I felt disconnected from the world. I believe it was my attempt to disconnect was to protect myself from the feelings and thoughts of others.

It wasn’t until collage that I learned that things like this were that unusual. I was sitting in a collage psychology class where we were discussing ESP. The instructor asked if anyone in the class had experienced anything like that. I raised my hands and turned around to see that I was the only one in class. Up to that point I thought that most people could do the things I did. My dad had the same gift. His mother did as well.

I was undergoing some neurological testing after an automobile accident. One of the tests was designed to test the effect on short-term memory. I was verbally told a grocery list of 10 items several times and then asked to repeat them back. I could remember about 4 to 5 from each list. Even when told to me several times it was still just the same four or five.

After going through several rounds of testing the psychologist muttered something under her breath and shock her head. She had a shocked look on her face. We completed another series of test and the same thing happened. I asked, “What?” She said, “Nothing really.” But then it happened again. I said, “Let me guess. I am giving you answers from the current list and from the next list. Right?” She said, “Yes. You are consistently giving me answers from the next list. You know much of what will be on the list before I give it to you.” I said, “I have ESP.” She was absolutely fascinated. She said in her many years of testing she had never seen anything like it. She had read of similar things but had never tested anyone herself that could do this.

While I do consider it a gift, there was many times I felt it was a curse. I hated feeling everyone’s feelings. It was draining. It was exhausting. And it never seemed to end. If I heard a new story I could instantly feel what the victim felt, and I could sense what happened.

When Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped I remember seeing (as if with my own eyes) the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, but not recognizing any identifiable land marks. Later we learned that she was held in a camp that was described to be like what I saw.

In 1991 I was driving to a doctors appointment when I heard, “a kid is going to get hit by a car” as I drove through an intersection. I turned around and drove up and down the street looking for a kid so I could perhaps do something. I couldn’t see anyone so I went to my appointment. The doctors office overlooked the intersection. I was in the waiting room when everyone began looking out the window to watch the medical helicopter land. Someone who just arrived said, “A little boy just got hit by a car. It’s really bad. I don’t think he’ll make it.”

I cried and cried for three days. I felt as if I was responsible. After all I knew about it and I didn’t stop it. My husband kept trying to assure me by telling me I couldn’t sit at that intersection for hours. True, it would have made me late for my appointment but still I should have persevered a little longer I though.

I knew the sex of unborn children. I knew the best route to travel to our destination. I remember passing a restaurant on a regular basis and wishing we would stop to eat because the owners were feeling a great amount of financial stress. It closed a few months later.

While it often felt like a curse if often came in handy. I had my own built in radar protector and I won a couple of prizes.

My husband and I were at a fund-raising dinner for wildlife habitat. To raise funds the organization was selling a single card from a deck of cards for $5.00 each. They would give you one half and the other half would go into a drawing. I asked, “Do I get to pick my own card?” They said, “Sure if you want to?” “Can I look at the cards?” I asked. “Sure” was the reply. So we paid, I picked my card and we won.

When my husband and I were dating we were playing cards with a friend. He held up a card and said, “I have $100 for anyone who can tell me what this card is.” I instantly said, “It’s a spade.” I could tell by the look on his face I was right. He started to show it to me, but I quickly said, “Wait, don’t you want to know the suit? It’s a Jack.” He couldn’t believe it. By the way, if you are reading this, Where’s my $100.00?

I don’t gamble, I’ve done it just a few times in my life. The first time was when a date took me to Wendover, Nevada for dinner and gave me $20.00 to spend. Not knowing how to play anything at all in the casino I decided to try my hand at roulette. I placed one chip at a time on the first number that came to mind. Within a short time I had a group of people around the table watching me win time after time with my single chip. (Not 100% of the time by the way). I won enough to not that I was able to pay for the three couples dinner, the gas to Wendover and back, and came back with a little cash. I’ve played twice since then and haven’t duplicated those results by the way. My sense of perception has diminished due to a variety of reasons, and it isn’t always 100% reliable.

I often wonder how I would do on the show Deal or No Deal. I love the episode of Medium where Allison is a contestant on Deal or No Deal and is accused of cheating because she chose the cases with the lowest amounts. (Here is a video clip if you haven’t seen it.) If only my perception were as good as Allison’s.

Even though there are some positives to having heightened perception, the draw-backs were just often too painful. I remember praying for God to take it away. It so often felt like a curse, not a gift. And is often exhausting and literally hard on the body as well as the soul.

But now I have come to accept it as a gift that God has given me and one that I can share with others. My ability to often sense what people are feeling often gives me the unique ability to help them in ways that others perhaps can’t.

My life’s experiences have given me the unique ability to know perhaps something of what it is like to have been sexual assaulted, to be stalked, to experience the loss of a child, to recover from the pain of trauma, to experience ill health, and depression.

Those experiences have made me who I am today, and hopefully those experiences, combined with my sense of perception can be of benefit to others. That is the goal of this blog.

P.S. I don’t know what you are thinking. And chances are I don’t know what you are feeling, but then again I may.

Related Articles:

• My Life Story - Part 4; You Get What You Think About
• My Life Story - Part 3; Intruder Shatters My Vision of Being Safe at Home
• My Life Story - Part 2; The Law of Attraction at Work

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