Dream ~ Act ~ Plan ~ Believe

Previously I told you about the trauma of being watched and stalked like a animal hunts his prey. It was at that time my resilient spirit decided she no longer wanted to fear strangers. I became determined to minimize that fear, to shrink it, and dissolve it. But there was still a huge underlying fear. The fear of sexual assault.

I’m sure the fear first manifested itself when I was young and stemmed from my ability to sense what people felt. It is easy to fear something that feels so cold and dark, and full of such evil intent.

God blessed me with a body and face that many men found attractive. (Ignore that picture on the left of the site. I’m much older now, much more worn out, and not nearly as attractive as I once was.) And I hated the way guys looked at me.

I hated walking past construction sites and being whistled at. I hated the lust I saw in peoples eyes. I remember many, many times wishing that I was fat and ugly. I thought that if I was fat and ugly I’d be safe from sexual assault. Something I now know isn’t true. But nevertheless, that’s what I believed, at the time.

But back to my determination to get rid of my fear of strangers. I decided to confront my fears head on and and decided to just no longer be afraid. I managed to certainly dampen my fear of strangers, but the fear of sexual assault remained.

I had graduated from high school by this time and was working full-time at a bank. I had developed a wart on my foot that just wouldn’t go away so I scheduled an appointment with a dermatologist for early in the day Friday morning and told work I’d be a little late.

I hadn’t seen this doctor in years. However, I had seen him many times while in high school. But in all those previous cases my mom had accompanied me. This was my first doctors visit on my own.

The doctor examined my foot and said he was giving me a shot to numb it before he removed the wart. He placed the needle between my toes, injected me with a drug, and then removed the wart.

I looked at my watch. “Good,” I thought. “I’ll be back to work on time.” I stood up, ready to leave, looked the doctor in his face, and lost consciousness. I’d thought, man he must have given me way to much pain medication.

When I woke I was alone and very, very angry. I kept thinking, “How can someone pass out in a doctors office and no one be there when I woke up?” I had a very intense desire to flee. That was combined with an very intense anger towards the doctor. So I quickly exited the building and walked to my car. I got in, turned the ignition, and glanced at the clock. I was shocked to learn that I had been unconscious for nearly 25 minutes. I was already late for work.

When I arrived back at the bank I began experiencing extreme abdominal pain. I also had a very difficult time sitting, because of pain experienced, well, you know where. It was a long, miserable afternoon and I was so happy when it became time to go home so I could simply lie down. It was Friday and I’d have the weekend to recover from the illness I seemed to be experiencing.

But the weekend proved to be no better. The pain was terrifying at times, so first thing Monday morning I called my gynecologist for an emergency appointment. “He is out of town for most of the week,” I was told. I said, “I don’t care who you get me in to see, but I need to get in today!!”

When the doctor examined me she said, “Oh my Gosh. Who did this to you?” She said, “I haven’t ever seen anything like this.”

OK. You have to understand that I must have been a little too trusting of someone I had known for years. Talk about naive. I didn’t put two and two together. I said, “No one. It must be some type of infection.” I remember the look on her face, it said, “Yeah right. ”

She tested me for every sexually transmitted disease it the book and said she’d call with the test results.

The past few years I had experienced my share of share of health problems, even experiencing an extreme case of mono that caused me to lose consciousness on one occasion and with some internal organ damage.

I was a ballet dancer, and was used to being very active. However at this particular time in my life I was not dancing, but instead I was running. I was running five to ten miles a day, each and every day. Running was my way of staying sane.

About a week later I went out for my usual daily run. I was five miles away from my house when I began experiencing severe abdominal pain. The pain got so bad that I slowly tried to make my way home, but literally crawled at times. I walked slowly past a lady who was out working in her garden. She asked, “Are you OK?” “Yes,” I lied. But then collapsed.

She offered to give me a ride, but I opted to use her phone instead. I got my mom on the phone, but passed out in her kitchen before I could tell my mom where I was. When I came to my benefactor said, “Come on. I’m giving you a ride home.” She helped me to my car and drove me home.

I slowly walked into the house, and into the bathroom where I again passed out. When I came to the pain was excruciating and I wondered if this was how I was going to die. My parents prepared to rush me to the hospital. But first I asked them to pray that God would bless me and remove the pain. My father prayed, placed his hands on my head, and the pain literally lifted right out of my body.

Now I know there will be some skeptics out there who will say it was wishful thinking, or some other type of power. But I know, without a doubt, that God blessed me by lifting the pain from my body that day so I could rest. I felt the pain leave as it literally lifted from my abdomen, passed through my chest, through my shoulders and out my head. I quickly fell asleep and slept for nearly a day and a half.

As for the doctor. Even though deep down I knew, I didn’t really face reality until years later. I decided to look him up and learned that his license was pulled on a couple of occasions while authorities investigated three different charges of sexual assault.

Now, I’m a smart person. Really! But sometimes we just simply see what we want to see. I saw someone who by right of title, “deserved to be trusted.” Oh, how foolish I had been.

He’s still practicing by the way. They can’t prove anything. It’s all a bunch of “he said, she said” crap. In one of the cases he raped a girl who had come in to have her wrists repaired after she cut herself in an effort to kill herself. He got the medical review board to discount her testimony since she “wasn’t mentally stable at the time.” I learned of several other cases that were never report to the authorities. So he’s preyed on many young women.

As for me the damage had been done. Damage that would haunt me for years, and forever alter my life. But that’s another part of the story…

Oh, and please don’t let your kids visit the doctor alone. A friend’s dentist didn’t allow the parents to go back with the kids. I’d told her, “Find a new dentist.” Teach your kids to respect authority, but to question it as well.

Clue for Round 7 - Bottled Water?

Related Articles:

• My Life Story - Part 6; I'm Being Stalked
• My Life Story - Part 5; Someone's Watching Me
• My Life Story - Part 4; You Get What You Think About
• My Life Story - Part 3; Intruder Shatters My Vision of Being Safe at Home
• My Life Story - Part 2; The Law of Attraction at Work
• My Life Story - Part 1; My Highly Tuned Perception

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