Thanks so much. I’ll admit, it was a little difficult to decide to put that part in, because it was so important to me and I didn’t want people to ridicule. It’s more like what I share with close friends, and not on the internet. But in the end I decided to include it because it was what happened and it was important for people to know. I know “miracles” take place. I’ve seen them happen time and time again.

Thanks for taking the time to stop and comment. It means a lot to me.

~ Leisa

But blessings to you and your journey.
Thank you for sharing your story so poignantly.

I think I must not have articulated what I feel in my heart well enough if you think I am calling someone a victim if they haven’t overcome abuse. It took years, literally years to get to the point I am now. Truthfully, I almost didn’t make it. So no, I don’t think it is a quick change in thinking.

This is meant to be one part of the story. I would NEVER, EVER look down on anyone because of abuse. I’m truly sorry it it came across that way. I wouldn’t think that someone is broken, that they are less of a human being than me, or anyone else. In fact, I would feel the utmost compassion. And if you knew me you would know that about me. I haven’t overcome it 100%. I still have panic attacks, I still have major bad days. I know what it is like.

This is meant to help people to see that they do have some power to stop bad things from happening to them. And the first step is to stop “feeling like a victim.” The predators tend prey on those who “feel like a victim.” Sure that power may not be there the first time something happens to them, but if they feel like a victim because of the first event then it can cycle out of control.

What he did was flat out wrong. But I do KNOW that once I decided to stop feeling like a victim, I stopped being a victim to other peoples predator mentality. And that is the entire purpose of this post. To perhaps help just one person.

I’m not blaming people who go to the doctor alone. I still go to the doctor alone. Constantly. I have 98% of the time since the event. My OB is the most wonderful man that I trust completely. Never, would I think it would be my mothers fault for not accompany me to a doctors appointment at my age.

I am not blaming a parent. I am just giving parents the advice to not trust someone because they have a doctor or a dentist title. Never, if an instant would I think it would be my mothers fault for not accompany me to a doctors appointment. The thought never occurred to me that she would be to blame.

You are right - the abuser is the person who deserves the blame. There is no argument here.

So please, if you, or anyone else reading this post things I am blaming victims realize I am not. I have several friends that have gone through similar experiences and agree that what it generally takes is fror someone to realize that “feeling like a victim” keeps you in a victim mentality. There is a cycle of abuse that can happen over and over again. What usually stops the abuse is the victim to no longer accept being a victim. It takes going from a victim to a victor mentality. That’s what I am trying to say. I am trying to say, get past the victim mentality. Become a victor.

~ Leisa

Learn to let people be where they are. Learn to be where you are. And learn to forgive yourself.

I say the latter because this post in particular is full of inappropriate blame. You’re blaming yourself for the rape because you were afraid of assault. You’re blaming people who go to the doctor alone and you’re blaming parents who let their kids go back to the doctor’s or dentist’s office alone. But that’s not where the blame lies. Who commits the assaults? That is the blameworthy person. No one else.

If the parent leaves their child with a caregiver when the child is preverbal, or if the parent ignores the signs that something is amiss (IF there are any signs–often, as in your case, there are not), or if the parent ignores the child’s behavior after something happens, then OK, the parent shares some of the blame. But ultimately most of it lies with the person who committed the breach of trust, whatever form that breach takes.

This is why people like this get away with it. Everybody else gets blamed except them–the victims, society, pornography, whatever. The person who actually causes the damage is almost never brought to account.

I’ll say it again. What happened to you is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is only his. You had every right to go to the doctor by yourself and to trust that he wouldn’t do anything bad to you. He had NO right to violate that trust. NONE.

And, OK, I’ll quit being the pushy stranger now.

It has made me stronger. That’s where this whole story ends up going. But first I felt it necessary to explain the circumstances I learned from. In some ways I hate starting out with the beginning, but it the things I want to write have much more meaning if they are put in context.

~ Leisa